Enchanted Chameleon

{this moment}

Inspired by SouleMama

throwback thursday :: stp part 1

ec editorial :: victim blaming

I walked into the kitchen of my parents house where the talk radio was playing for no one as it usually does.  Callers calling in voicing an opinion that was muffled and not really making sense since I walked in mid sentence.  I heard the words rape and fault but it wasn't until the radio host spoke the following words that it had my full attention.

"A passed out drunk woman at a party is like a flat screen TV left in an unlocked car".

It took me a full few minutes to really gather my thoughts about what he has just said.  I took to FB and Twitter with the comment.  I checked what radio station it was on and filed a complaint to the CRTC.  I brought the comment to the attention of Slutwalk Toronto and from there on a few others via FB and Twitter.  I spent some time that day and evening commenting and thinking about the comment unable to shake the horror I am experiencing in having heard it and one thought continues to go over in my mind:  Couldn't he have at least said the car was locked? 

I further investigated the rest of the show that I had missed.  When I finally found a podcast with the show the last 10 minutes of it that included the part with his comment was cut from it.  If it was because it had garnered complaints or they had cut it for time reasons it was not clear.  I searched Twitter and the internet for more people making complaints about the comment and came up with only a couple.  Either the show isn't a popular one and no one heard it or no one was offended and complaining. 

A 16 year old girl is drunk at a party and passes out and two football players raped and passed her around.  That's the gist.  Perhaps you are more familiar with Serena Williams take and shame on the situation.  PS. Don't apologize for getting bad press as nothing is more annoying than a celebrity that gets caught and values public opinion enough to apologize.  Own it.  That goes for you too Reese Witherspoon.

I guess what disturbed me the most about the situation was having to justify to someone on FB victim blaming.  I'm most annoyed by his comments.  He made reference to taking personal responsibility which in the end to me is just another way of blaming the victim.  The words common sense were even used and that threw me over the edge.  For me to take personal responsibility I must be careful what I drink, who I drink with, where I drink it, never pass out, never dress inappropriately (whatever that means).  I should live in fear of parties, bars and alcohol because there will always be guys that rape.  I just need to avoid getting raped.  It's moments like these that I really wonder about the world that we live in.  Why is this the one topic that people can't seem to get past the act of sex and view it as the violent act that it is?  Why isn't rape black and white like murder?

The radio host was mainly suggesting that we prepare our daughters and women.  Rape proof them, so to speak.  During my return to the podcast I was thrilled to hear a woman call in and point out what we really should be doing - rape proofing our sons and men.  I mean, I prefer to get to the real cause of the disease instead of just putting a bandaid on it and treating it for it's symptoms and not the cause.  So let's be real here, it's not what women are wearing or not wearing or that the girl that was raped was an 'unlocked car' just asking for it by being unconscious, it's what the men or in some cases women, are doing.

To me rape is a form of power.  A power lost in time before and therefore power gained in the act of rape.  A bully.  And where are bullies bread - powerlessness.

Let's look at some stats and see how common sense can prevent us ladies from rape:

::  One of every 17 Canadian women is raped at soome point in her life

::  A woman is sexually assaulted by forced intercouse every 17 minutes in Canada

::  Girls and young women between the ages of 15-24 are the most likely victims

::  80% of assaults happen in the victim's home

::  70% of rapes are committed by a perpetrator who knows the victims (relative, friend neighbour, colleague or other acquantaince)

::  Approximately one half of all rapes occur on dates

::  83% of disabled women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime

::  15% of sexual assault victimes are boys under 16

::  half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships

::  57% of aboriginal women have been sexually assaulted

Call me crazy but it seems pretty impossible to protect yourself every where you normally are and are with as well as the obvious where you should expect to be raped.  Common sense?  My fucking ass.

You want to know what I don't want to hear - is that she was asking for it.  In any shape or form of the phrase.  Whether she put herself in a compromising position, took a drink from a stranger, cause she was wearing something slutty or not, cause she was an unlocked car with a flat screen TV in it.  I want to hear about what makes a rapist rape.  I want to hear about the messed up shit that goes through rapist mind.  I want to hear more about what lead to the need for a violent act against a woman and NOT HOW SHE TRIGGERED another to rape her.  I want to know how the world will take personal responsibility for the rapists that are in the world and how we can fix it together.  

YOu want to know why I let my son play with dolls?  So he experiences some fucking humanity.  YOu want to know why I let my son cry and scream and express his feelings when he is upset?  So he isn't a bottle of rage by the time he is old enough that he takes it out on other people.  Boys that play with dolls develop paternal instincts and boys that express their feelings learn to talk about them and deal with them.  Keep my kid close. Keep the family's morals and ethics ahead of the game so when they are teenagers they question the bad stuff and they trust you to help them through it when they do screw up.  Keep an open relationship in which I can discuss the difference between rape and sex.  Perhaps all just hopes and intentions at this point since my son is only 6 at this time, but to me all still worth fighting for.  The goal is to raise a gentleman who is caring and compassionate because the only caring and compassionate guys that rape are liars.  Wolves in sheep clothing.  Not Neanderthals like the radio host suggested.  Super smart and manipulative.  Paul Bernardo's and Karla Homolka's, perfect suburban couples that rape and torture young women.  You can see my distress in trying to rape proof a woman?  Who the fuck couldn't be a rapist.  Therefore let's start with the education of men and women in what a sexual experience should and shouldn't be.   

Sure many will still fall through the cracks, but isn't the point of talking about something like the rape of this girl publicly to use the venue of radio to stop victim blaming?  The more we talk about how bad cigarettes are for us the more smoking decreases.  THe more we talk about environmental problems the more programs pop up to help recycle and be green.  The more we talk about the rapist and his crime the more we try to fix the problem before it happens.  And to all the old school parents and people out there that are not letting their daughters dressed like that out of the house, maybe stop your sons too.  I mean, personal responsibility for ones actions goes both ways.  That one goes especially out to the asshole that called into the show saying his adult children know better.  Says you and your strong opinion till one of your children is the victim.  You digust me. 

Saying that there will always be rapists and we need to take personal responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen to us is not only victim blaming but it is full on cowardice.  It shows me that you are too afraid to take on societal norms or opinions and fight to see them change.  It shows me that you are a victim.  It shows compliance and a "if you can't beat em, join em" attitude.  Not that you'll go out and rape someone, but you're too chicken shit to take on something bigger than you.  It is weak to say that there will always be rapists and to therefore be rape proof when you go out.  You're not seeking to see a better world for anyone, you're just rolling over in the shit that's surrounding you.

And to Jim Richards, radio host of NewsTalk 1010 Radio in Toronto - breaking into a LOCKED car is forced entry and so is rape. ALWAYS.  There are no unlocked cars when it comes to rape.  

Related articles

Serena Williams Implies Steubenville Rape Victim to Blame For Ordeal, Sort of Backtracks

Victim Blaming

Serena's rape victim-blaming got everything wrong

Why clothes don't equal rape: a reply to Maureen Messent

Game, Set, Fail Serena Williams.

'I'm Not Blaming The Girl But...': Serena Williams Weighs in on the Steubenville Rape Case

Stop Victim Blaming. Now.

throwback thursday :: roxette

I saw the term "throwback thursday" thrown around a little on Instagram recently and I thought I might join in.  Especially since I'm in my old stomping grounds, living in the house I grew up in for the summer, there's lots of potential for reminiscing.  I'll take it a step further and post whatever crosses my path.  Today's music video I would absolutely karaoke in a heartbeat.  ANd if I was a rock star I'd do concerts in barefeet too.  Minus creepy weird guitar player.  Turn volume all the way up for best listening experience.

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~ these moments :: georgia ~

Georgia is 3 today.  Maybe I express more than usual love for my pup but I gotta say what a saving grace she has been for me the past 8 months.  When my son was away for Xmas and I was home alone and could have easily stayed in bed the entire week, she got me up and out.  

I love taking her to the ocean and throwing sticks in the water with my rainboots on with the water rising around them.  She listens, she cuddles, she never gives me sass, well, mostly never.  We go for long walks in the woods to clear my head and get her out.  She runs like Phoebe from friends.  She reminds me of me.  I think that my dog actually does look like me like those Fido commercials.  She's tough and playful and a social butterfly. I'm so glad to have her to get me up and out of the house and out of my head.  

Happy birthday to my little mutt.  

Have a great weekend, celebrating dads.  XO.  S  

~ images by bethany giveaway ~

Recently C and I had the great privelege to spend a fun filled hour hanging out in Gastown with photographer Bethany Schiedel of Images by Bethany.  I met Bethany last year at the Top Vancouver Mom Bloggers 2012 where she took all the Top Mom's headshots.  You can see my headshot here. A great many of mom bloggers had the opportunity thereafter to do family shots with Bethany and I feel fortunate to have been one of those both because she is a fantastic photographer and did an incredible job of capturing C and I when I felt there was less than great stuff to capture (C did not make our jobs easy that afternoon) and because she's just an absolutely lovely person that I had a great time getting to know.  

Enough chatter, let's get to the pics!

Bethany outdid herself with ease.  She took so many fantastic pictures it was hard narrowing it down to just a few to feature here.  A couple of weeks after our shoot I met with Bethany and we looked at all the pictures together and picked a few to have blown up as gifts for my family and of course, one for C and I.  This last pic above is the one we kept for ourselves.  It's just so us. Bethany was such a pro during the shoot and during the viewing.  She was super perceptive and picked up on which photos I liked and what I was struggling with during my decision process. She offers some incredibly beautiful options for saving photos in beautiful printed albums and japanese boxes.  There were many options all around and she knew exactly how to help narrow it down to suit the frame, the wall and the person receiving them.  It was a pleasant time over tea.

Here's a couple of shots that I took with a little Instagram and A Beautiful Mess Apps during our shoot:

And thanks to Bethany we made a new discovery in Gastown for gluten free treats as well:

Hello gluten free salted caramel chocolate donuts!  Thanks for the mid afternoon bribe to get through the shoot inspiration!  That and photos on the playground worked wonders!

I'm super thrilled to have some updated and beautiful pics of C and I.  Usually I've been behind the camera and I love that place but I love a good photo of the two of this and I'm going to cherish the experience and the pictures as well.  Thanks Bethany!

Now for something to really celebrate.  C and I are returning to Milton, Ontario for the summer flying out tomorrow to spend a quality summer living like locals with my family.  We've got pics from Images by Bethany on the way for Father's Day and everyday so that when we leave a little piece of us will still be there.  So to celebrate summer, father's, family and friends today until Friday this week you have the chance to win a session with Images by Bethany to capture some memories of your own.

Check out the Rafflecopter giveaway tool below for all the details and many chances than just one to win!

Thanks Bethany and thanks readers for giving us something to write and share about!  XO.  S

a Rafflecopter giveaway

~ gluten free @ EAT Vancouver top picks ~

Before the fun and yumminess of EAT! Vancouver 2013 fade away into happy memories I wanted to tackle the wonderful list of things that I loved and discovered at the show.

Gluten Free Brewskies

I'm not much of a drinker, at least not much of one anymore.  After not drinking throughout my pregnancy 7 years ago, I found that alcohol was really hard to tolerate.  I would have a glass of wine and be rocked the next day.  I later found out that I was allergic to sulphites found in conventional wines and of course, gluten found in most beers.  When C turned one I turned off the alcohol.  I couldn't hack it anymore.  With the little sleep I was already getting from the super fussy, undiagnosed Celiac baby at that time I couldn't afford painful hangovers the next day from the cost of a pitiful few sips of alcohol.  I've only recently started indulging in cocktails again.  I usually have one and my tolerance for alcohol is far more pitiful than my intolerances for alcohol.  I like to have one quality drink for pleasure with my friends and I am good for the evening.  However, I figured I owed it to my fellow Celiacs to provide a quality taste test of the gluten free options at EAT! and here are my observations.

Mongozo Pilsner is where it is at.  I believe if you are a beer drinker and you are Celiac then this is the beer for you.  Although out of the gluten free beers at the event, this was my second favourite for taste, I believe I recognize what a beer drinker is looking for in taste and that can be found in Mongozo.  I learned at EAT! there are two types of gluten free beers.  One is made from gluten free grains and one is made from a grain that has the gluten removed.  Monogozo is the latter.  It is also the only organic Pilsner in the world, a Gold Winner Gluten Free Beer in a worldwide competition as well as a top voted Pilsner in Belgium, where it originates.

The other beer that I preferred to the Mongozo in taste, was True Grist by Lakefront Brewery in the US.  I found this one light and refreshing in taste.  It's made from sorghum, rice and hops and is certified gluten free.  Lakefront offered two other gluten free beers that were much heavier in taste and barley based with the gluten removed.  I found this one really nice.  This one is easier to find at public and private liquor stores whereas Mongozo is only in private stores and available to order.  

Next year, I'll tackle the sulphite free wines (and book the day off work!)

Gluten Free Treats

The product I went into EAT! looking forward to try the most was the Trugs Gourmet Hidden Garden Cookies.  I had interviewed Catherine the creator of the Hidden Garden Ginger Snaps and Red Velvet Cookies, and I was excited.  I love it when my treats have good stuff in them, especially if I'll be sharing them with my son.  By far did these cookies deliver!  They were fantastic.  My favourite was the Ginger Snaps, but Catherine informed it was a real 50/50 run between the two and the favourites among the samplers at EAT!  I absolutely look forward to whatever else Catherine's kitchen produces and hopefully seeing more of her products on local shelves.

Two products that were deceivingly good were the Giddy Yoyo chocolate bars and the the Fresh Unfiltered Ginger Ale by Bruce Cost.  Giddy Yoyo provides raw chocolate bars that are organic and full of wonderful things.  My preferred bar had spirulina in it.  I'll take greens any way I can get them!  

I've been wanting to try the Unfiltered Ginger Ale for a while now since I first saw it on the shelves at Whole Foods.  It includes Original and specialty flavours like Jasmine Tea and Pomegranate.  I overheard a conversation in regards to the Ginger Ale where Ontario doctors are recommending it to chemo patients.  My ears perked up for my dad's sake who is suffering from nausea and this particular product seems to work wonders with it.  I love the taste of real ginger. I never liked ginger ale as a child, not even flat and for an upset belly but I can assure you this will be in my medicine chest for any upset bellies of the future.  Or it will just be there as a refreshing and delicious tasting beverage.

All But Gluten was a new brand that I've never heard of before.  It had a huge display and was providing free lectures throughout the event.  I tried their bread and their coconut macaroons and both were good to taste.  I'd like to check out this company more as I've never seen it in any stores.  I checked the packaging to ensure it wasn't a sugar first ingredient type list like some companies on the gluten free train are providing and it wasn't.  A good sign of a potentially great gluten free product.

Luna and Larry's Coconut Bliss ice cream was a welcome surprise.  I love their products.  Not only are they gluten and dairy free but they are also a non-gmo product.  There was a big line to sample and I was amazed to discover how many more flavours they have than I originally knew of.  I believe some grocers have been holding out on us or Luna and Larry have been busy in the test kitchen.  I tried the Salted Caramel, my absolute favourite flavour as of late.  So good!  Love this product and love this company.

Gluten Free Pantry

Probably my absolute favourite discovery of EAT! Vancouver was West Point Naturals line of gluten free flour mixes.  I am all over trying these out with my Saturday morning pancakes and other baking experiments.  I had to this point thought they only provided dried fruit, nuts and dried herbs.  I was very happy to discover organic gummy bears, lavender sea salt and an array of gluten free flours.  I hope to further discover that I love their flour mixes!

Other delicious things include the Peanut Butter Co and it's amazing peanut butter mixes.  Perfect for eating off spoons!  Or as a friend recently demonstrated for me, including it in indulgent smoothies!  And Maison Orphee, a boutique product that specializes in oils, mustards and vinegars.  I'm a huge fan of their Organic Coconut Oil.  For in and on the body, my favourite uses for coconut oil are for baking, smoothies and cooking scrambled eggs.  Big yum.  

Some other sights around EAT!:

In the end my Top 3 absolute favourite discoveries of EAT! were:

Trugs Gourmet Hidden Garden Cookies which barely lasted a serving in my house.  A bag is a serving right?  

West Point Naturals and its incredible line of products.

Fresh Unfiltered Ginger Ale by Bruce Cost.  So yummy and good for the belly.

Honourable mentions go to Luna and Larry's, Mary's Organic Cookies, Snackbox by Foodee and Organika.

After an awesome experience I can only hope to take it a step further next year.  EAT! offered so much more than just a bunch of vendors selling products.  The Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts was offering class, plus the celebrity chef stage, free cooking and baking lectures plus wine, cheese and beer tasting workshops!  This is definitely an all around event.  I highly recommend it as a to do for 2014 and personally hope to DO MOre at it then!  XO.  S

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EAT! *gluten free* Vancouver :: Trugs Gourmet