I feel like I've left my brain somewhere and without it I can't find it.
Last nights dinner was not as spectacular as the others. I was prepared to make the dinner in advance when I realized I had chosen a dehydrating recipe which I've been trying to avoid. But I was already committed to it, so Wednesday morning I was in there processing so that the walnut burgers would have at least a good 8 hours in the dehydrator. However, the recipe was huge! I had to divide it into batches and blend one at a time which later on that day was the same case with the coleslaw recipe I made. It was time consuming and challenging and I was constantly anticipating being finished. Then all the recipes I chose to prepare seemed to all require basil and red peppers and even though I had reviewed and listed and shopped for those items at least twice before in the past day, when it came down to the crunch and it was dinner time I still needed more basil! Then of course, it just didn't taste as magical as last weeks canneloni or the coleslaw I buy from Gorilla Foods. So after dinner I filled up with banana ice cream and was quite uncomfortable when I lied down for bedtime later. However, this morning I discovered the raw ketchup recipe I had made for our birthday bbq this past summer. I defrosted it, slapped that on a couple of burgs with some tomato and avocado and it was so much more delicious that I helped myself to a third burg! Yum. But before I get carried away, I'm going to take a sip of water. I have not been as committed to my one litre a day as previously mentioned and I looked down at one of my fingers today in wonderment at how similar it was to a snake or lizard skin. Moral of the story, detox is in the air and more water is required to get that gorgeous skin I'd fancy having.
Speaking of more water. I forgot to mention in my splurge on nuts yesterday that soaking them is highly recommended. One thing I've been doing differently this time round is soaking all my nuts for all the recipes regardless of the recipe saying to or not. This is because nuts are very fibrous foods but not water dense like veggies and fruit and it makes it far easier to digest if they have been soaked then not. If you like to snack on nuts, try soaking them overnight. Speaking of soaking... my sprouts are doing good. The tails are getting longer, a few more days and I can proceed with blending them up to make crackers. Speaking of crackers.... just kidding. Oh look, I have a sense of humour even without my brain! Uh, but speaking of brains, I went to the store today and got all my shopping done and wrung in before I realized, NO WALLET! That's when I really realized it's missing and I need it back. A relaxing trip to Toronto might help, however some free time this weekend might solve my problem ahead of time. A hair cut and the Taste of Health festival! YAY!
And now for my last bit, there's been something on my mind all day, on my conscious, in my heart, weighing me down, making me uncomfortable and that is something that really ruffled my feathers. I'm not sure how to express it, or what the real root cause of it is but it started with a bang when the words "I'm so tired of being PC" went through my head. Instead of getting into details of THE experience I will instead speak of MY experience cause really that's all I have to offer. For the first time in a really long time, I'm excited about things. I am motivated, inspired, excited, ecstatic and completely taking responsibility for my life in a way that I've never done before. This will no doubt be the first of many transitions in my life, an ongoing cycle of lessons and challenges, always striving for a new goal. In the past, which I am trying very hard to leave in the past, I have been a people pleaser, I've avoided conflict, I will put others before myself, I will sit on my emotions and not speak up for myself, I'll stew and let things sit until one day I blow up and I've played an excellent victim, not taking any responsibility just pointing fingers and laying blame. No longer. However, I'm in transition and testing new waters and stretching myself outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I jump in and the water is freezing, so I get out and wait until it warms up or I ease myself back in instead. BUT, I keep trying, I'm not giving up, I want to go for a swim! Last night I told my husband about a clean sock on the floor that I just know fell out of his drawer and he left instead of picking up which drove me nuts. Well, I picked the complete wrong time to say this, and overreacted to his reaction but still got it out sooner than later and didn't store it away to use it as ammo for another day. Like I said next time, I'll wait till the water is warm or ease in but regardless I did it. I'm learning to communicate. I definitely need some practice with my new vocabulary and my new way of approaching life but there is no way that I'm going to apologize for it and now we return to "I'm tired of being PC". In my quest to be 100% raw not only am I not going to eat sugar anymore, I'm also no longer interested in sugar coating things either. I have my beliefs and if I don't believe in them 100% then why the f*** would I continue to do them right? I'm not trying to change anyone. I would LOVE to heal the world with raw foods but I can't make that decision for anyone but myself. Every time I hear of someone sick I'm going to wonder if that person can heal from raw foods. I have friends that are severely allergic to raw fruits and vegetables and I even believe that they can also heal. I don't know how, I'm not THAT raw foodist but maybe my wonderment and hope that it's possible opens new doors or windows for others. Victoria Boutenko's mother died of cancer. She flew to Russia and juiced and blended and went to the farmer's market every day for fresh produce and in the end all she could do was sit by and watch her mother eat scrambled eggs because it wasn't her choice to make. I WILL RECONFIRM THAT I DON'T WANT TO SCARE ANYONE AWAY BUT I'M ALLOWED TO WONDER AND HOPE AND THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE BUT MAYBE THAT'S A GOOD THING. The biggest lesson I learned when I became a parent is that there is no one right way to raise kids there is just the way you choose to do things and that's it. As long as I was holding judgment on other parents I was miserable and I will do my darndest to hold no judgment on anyone ever again. I'm offended if people think that I'm judging them but that's MY PROBLEM and part of the lessons I'm learning in my current life transition. I WILL NOT TELL ANYONE HOW TO LEAD THEIR LIFE, I WILL ONLY SHARE MY EXPERIENCE, THE LITTLE DETAILS THAT I HAVE COLLECTED OVER THE YEARS AND HOPE THAT I HAVE A PURPOSE. Getting offended is pure insecurity. I recognize that in myself. I'm not doing this for no reason. The Universe, GOD, whatever you want to call it has a plan and a purpose for me and not a second of it that is spent raw, a mother, a wife, an actor, a people pleaser, not a people pleaser, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a victim or not will NOT BE WASTED BECAUSE IT IS ALL FOR A REASON. I don't know that reason first hand but what's the point of watching the movie if you already know the ending. All that I learn from being raw, I hope that I can transfer into all the other facets of my life in particular, mothering and acting. The most important things out of all of this rant is at the end of my life I WILL HAVE NO REGRETS. If I know nothing else besides that than so be it. As long as I believe at the end of the road I did it all, I tried it all and I wouldn't do anything differently than I will die the happiest and luckiest woman on the planet. And as long as that is the case, I will believe, I will hope, I'll get ruffled and rant and will try 10,000 different ways and then try again and again and again and continue to grow and learn, never ending to be the woman that I'm meant to be. This is my journey, I'm SO GLAD YOU ARE ALL HERE. Suzanne
PS Ah, there's my brain! It was scared I was going to throw it out with all my negativity! Silly thing.